We Are Constructed Differently

I had a chat recently with a longtime friend who was genuinely concerned about something he heard about me. His worry was heightened by a comment by another person we both know. the comment I have chosen not to repeat here because of the confidentiality of the information. But the assurance I gave my worried friend is that people who are true to themselves never live someone else’s life, and that such people always thrive in the face of odds that sink or bury others. I have walked those roads before. I have also seen people who have thrived where it is assumed they are too isolated to survive. What they thrive on and survive with is what people think is odd and self-damning about them.

I recall my wedding. I recall what an older friend complained about that event was my choice to behave like I have no friends. I had chosen to get married my own way. Given pages I was writing and people I had access to, I could have chosen to do it differently. The day after the wedding, I had a sound sleep.  Since I was not owing money, I was not owing undeserved goodwill. There were friends and two of my bosses who gave out of abundance of their heart. They are still people I hold in high esteem and can speak about in the open without fear of being told I am venerating decadence. And a week after, I was richer than I was on the day of my wedding.

At my dad’s memorial, done with the typical Yoruba big party, I had the least number of guests. As far as I was concerned, I took care of my dad, when it mattered. He died happy knowing his children were there for him. I believe that part of his last memory was that his children, his inherited daughters (still find it hard to call them his daughters-in-law) and grandchildren left all to rush down to check on him when they learned he was ill. My investment in the party was not in honor of my dad. I did that when he was here with us. I did that to honor my younger brother and my younger sister (not sure I want to call her sister-in-law) who made the most sacrifice taking care of him and his first cousin who was more like his first son than a cousin.

That up there is who I am. I am not your typecast. If you are unable to live with it, it is your problem. I don’t live by rules set by others. I have never been one enamored with being popular in a crowd. I am me. I am Túndé Àrèmú. I am like no one else.